Evil

Lots of people will tell you to choose good over evil. You should choose good over evil. But let's pretend you are in a fairy tale. This shouldn't actually happen, because you're never going to become evil. (Now that I have told you not to do any of this stuff, the government won't get me involved if you get any ideas, hopefully.)

There are some perks of being evil. There are more perks when you're on the good movie character's team, but we're talking about being evil. I guess it's just me talking about being evil, but since I'm talking about talking about doing it, I'm going to start talking about being evil. Continue to the next paragraph or die trying...

When you're evil, you get to fight the good guys (and girls.) You get to rob the bank, and be sent to jail, or maybe even azkaban! That would be bad, a perfect way to compliment your evil eyes! You can also venture on an evil quest to acquire a magical item before a mortal sees it. You could accidentally save the world, then completely deny it! That would be really evil.

You could get radioactive liquid injected inside you when you're a baby, then after you become and adult you turn into a green giant! You would become an evil hero! You could become a green goblin who flies around trying to step on a creature that's half spider, half man.

When you're evil, it's hard to get enrolled in any school. Even if the school doesn't know you, you're eventually going to blow it and you'll never get a degree. That's why evil people aren't smart enough to realize that evil is bad.

Usually, if you're evil, you are some kind of ancient (yes, that means old,) mystical being who's turned against everyone else in the world. Which is stupid. No one wants to be stupid unless they are stupid. And in that case, stupid is good! Still wanna be stupid? Drat.

An evil dude, or dudette, is the evilest thing that could happen to be evil, even if it's not evil. Then they learn opposites and the dude is now a young girl carrying a lollipop and a balloon at the City Fair! The dudette learns opposites, but can't learn many opposites so she learned lots but maybe not. She becomes an old man playing video games on the latest iPhone in the country of Moldova. They both love to ride their tricycles on every other weekend of every other year when there's maybe snow but sometimes not in opposite form. (You have been confused by the power of evil...)

Being too evil means that you can't walk into a grocery store, buy some Jell-O, then peacefully drive home. It also means you probably don't have much that's legally yours. Most of the time, you'll steal stuff, the cops will chase you down, and you go to jail for another sixteen-bajillion years. You would get used to it, but would still hate it.

To decide whether or not you're evil, you have to know how technical you're speaking. If you're talking about evil like a Marvel super-hero's enemy villain, then you'd have to be pretty bad. If you're talking about being barely-even-selfish-but-not-really-selfish-at-all, you just have to find a quarter on the ground, then keep it instead of asking everyone in the world if they lost 25 cents. If you're slightly evil, you're normal, which I guess would make it not even slightly evil, so you wouldn't be slightly evil so you wouldn't be normal so really, you can't be normal or evil, just yourself.

If you think you're evil, you may want to check if you are officially evil. Check the back of your head for horns. Then, check for evil eyes, fangs, and a tail. You'll know if you're evil when you look at yourself, it's instinct, so don't worry. If you think you might be evil, but you aren't sure, you are not evil, and shouldn't even try to be evil. You'll always doubt your superior evilness.

This is Eugene, the evil Taenormak. He is the official evil villain of Randum Jonny. Are you wondering what a Taenormak is? I'll explain... in a later post.