Weight Loss

Being in this time period, people get fat. This is because of fast-food restaurants (except for McDonald's, kind of,) people sitting on the couch watching TV all day, and everyone just plain being lazy. Three-thousand years ago, people used to be able to visit a Carl's Jr and get healthier, but ever since the world improved food, people have just been getting lazy. This laziness turns into a wave, just like sound, light, and melted peanut butter, and spreads throughout the world. It uses it's Superman power to buzz through walls and zap whoever it can get to first with it's unnoticeable buzz. Soon that person falls under the spell of laziness, takes a journey through the remarkable strawberry, and wakes up on the couch screaming. Actually, that's exaggerating a little bit. They really just wake up sipping nothing out of a soda can, realizing that they already drank the drink.

Once you're already lazy and maybe overweight, there's a few ways that people try to fix it. Some people like to drink weight-loss milkshakes, like the chocolate or strawberry kind. Others like to drink cough syrup. Some people just "weight" for it to go away. Get it? It was a pun! A very punny pun!

Those solutions don't actually work. They are just ways to fill up ad time on TV channels, make yourself think that you feel lighter (especially the cough syrup), and cheat people into wasting money for the genius that came up with the idea of cheating people into wasting their money.

The real way to lose weight is the "Randum Jonny Lose-Weight-Quick Theory"! It's really not a theory, but some scientists say it can only be a theory because it cannot be proven. Whatever, scientists.

Randum Jonny Lose-Weight-Quick Theory

All you gotta do is tell other people that they look skinny and amazing! Then karma will catch up to you, and you'll be skinny and healthy! It's "not proven" but it's been tested by Randum specialists! Try it, it works! Good luck!

Shoes

You'll see shoes on just about everyone. Shoes are one of the few things that people will wear on their feet. The other two are socks, and some crazy people will wear giant acorns on their feet.

There's a variety of shoes: tennis shoes, boots, heelys, and all them. Some things are more for certain tasks, like you wear roller blades while you're climbing up a stack of chairs to change a light bulb. There's shoes for flying a helicopter, doing your homework, and building catapults.

Make sure you have the right shoe for whatever you're doing, because it would be bad to only have the left shoe. In case you wake up in the morning, go to work, and realize that you forgot your shoes, you can usually just visit your local donut shop. They'll have emergency shoes for you at the counter, right next to the chocolate milk.

Shoes have rubber soles on the bottom. That's for the reason that when the sun makes the ground so hot, you need a horrible smell to keep your mind off of the heat. It's a great invention!

Back when Albert Shoestein was coming up with the blueprints for the shoe, he discovered the need for a super spy weapons built into all shoes. It was called the shoelace. It's designed to keep your shoe tight around your foot. Then, randomly mid-walk, it shoots out the side of the shoe and is supposed to trip the enemy. Shoe companies didn't see the genius, and they couldn't understand how to make it work. They got as close as they could to the theory, and it works enough to trip the person who wears the shoe. Now, everybody's forgotten about the idea, and they make shoes with zippers and velcrow. Shoe companies think they're smarter than ancient minds...

A long time ago (before Albert Shoestein,) nobody had shoes. They just wore "duct tape footwear" on they're feet. The rich would wear socks, but that was just about all they had. It's pretty sad. Now shoes are just normal. Everybody wears them! Only some have found out how to rig their shoes with weapons. The rest have lights, pennies, 32GB storage chips, and shoelaces. It's pretty cool.

Randum Advice

Always keep a spare chipmunk claw in your eye socket. It's to, uh, help keep your eye in it's, um, socket.

Randum Fact

The current date and time is: 1-1-11, 1:11:11