Halloween

Halloween is the one day of the year that people from around the world will open their door to you so you can beg for candy, then they give it to you! You can do it other days, but most beings in their homes will find you annoying. Halloween is also the day to scare other out of their socks, hair, and bellybuttons. It's the day to display your burning pumpkins, which glow in unbearable ways. It's the day to hang spiderwebs, and have fun in crazy ways!

Most people look forward to Halloween for the candy! As the darkness of Halloween night approaches, children of all ages set off on their epic journey to gather fuel for the year! Internationally, doorbells are rang, followed by billions of kids demanding candy; it's great fun! By the end of the night, each child has a full bag of treats to snack on, although most of the time it will only last until the end of the week, end of the month if their lucky.

Some people have costume parties on Halloween! Everyone dresses up in their chosen costume, then contests are judged, prizes are won, food is eaten, and everyone has great fun! Parties are the perfect place to scare people! Either something huge happens to the whole group, someone gets startled in the middle of everyone else, or when somebody leaves the main party into any private room, the ultimate scare is set up to get everyone freaked out! But the best part is that your friends are there to have fun with you!

Lots of people will carve Jack-O-Lanterns for Halloween! Each person picks a pumpkin, or sometimes trucks full of pumpkins! The design is drawn, then the knife is set up! After the top of the pumpkin gets cut off, guts drip out of the fruit! The gross insides get turned into devine desserts and snacks! But then the knife gets it's mischievous look again. A creepy face is carved into the pumpkin. Eyes, a nose, a mouth, and other facial features appear on or out of the orange skin! A candle is placed inside the Jack-O-Lantern, then is lit, causing the face to glow eerily. Who knew that an ordinary pumpkin could be transformed into the scary sculpture sitting on your front porch?

Most everybody decorates for Halloween! There are those people who think they never do get to decorate, but there's always something that's been set out for the specific time of year! Some will transform their home with cute, little decorations everywhere. Others will horrify guests by setting up ghosts and ghouls! Spiderwebs lurk in every corner, while a black cat sneaks around. Your guests will think they saw things, heard things, and they'll run from your home in terror! But this is all normal, it happens all the time! No one gets harmed in any way, unless they trip on their way out, but that would be their fault!

Halloween is when the witches come out, and set enchantments on the area. It's when the dead come alive to haunt you. It's when candy is willingly given. It's when everyone expects an attack, but then everyone turns out fine the next day! It's all just fun!

Randum Advice: A power-plant... it looks like an onion, but wires shoot out from everywhere, shocking everything in their path! Don't get near one, unless you have to. It's likely to turn against you. Just keep that in mind.

The Farm

Once upon a time, in a land under the mountains and moon, there was a farm. While it was under the moon, all the animals were asleep. All except for the nocturnal animals, the ones who were imported from Beijing, so their not used to our schedule.

As the sun comes up, over the farm, the rooster crows. That makes the farmer mad, who yells at the chicken and wakes up the rest of the farm. After that it's just chaos in the farm! the cow moos and stops producing milk. The pig finds out he's going to be breakfast. The porcupine leaves quills on the trail. The chickens stop laying eggs (after the rats got into their grain.) The farmer's favorite radio station doesn't even play in the morning!

After the farm goes back to normal, the birds sing their songs, and everyone and everything starts working. On the farm, the humans have jobs they choose from every day. Sometimes they have to do the cow plow, chicken flickin', herd the birds, keep the sheep, dig for pigs, feed rats to the cats, or make the snake cake!

It's not just animals on the farm. There's also fruit and vegetables that need to be kept. The farmers have to grow the plants and maintain them. They need to pick the food and sell them to other people (mostly vegetarians.) It's hard work! But even with the farmers, the plants wouldn't have a chance without the animals. Cows play a large role in growing the produce. The have to provide compost to make the soil healthy and easier for plants to live in! Then the pigs roll in it, and everything comes to snack on the mud on the pig. It's the food chain!

The farm is where old people that don't like modern day technology work (unless it is a totally decked out farm.) The End.

If you ever see a kinkajou on your front porch, it probably wants to come inside. Remember, all animals are living beings! But even if it gives you those loving eyes, it could probably tear up your whole home looking for food. Although, it came from somewhere in South America, so it's got it's own stash of food somewhere. It would not be unwise to not let it not go nowhere near.

Chickens

Many know that chickens exist on Earth. What they don't know is that they're everywhere else doing everything else. Chickens are in outer space, using unicycles as their main method of transportation! When they bet and lose their unicycles to evil space spider-monkeys, they have no other option but to fly. (When they aren't on Earth, their legs turn to carrots, so they have to protect their legs.)

In Outer Space and every other planet/star/everything else, chickens are some of the most intelligent beings. Lots of aliens, except most humans, worship chickens as their idols. As soon as the chickens put on those leather jackets and skinny jeans to hid their carrots, they become heroes for children all over the universe!

Chickens defend the universe. They defend the universe from other universes. With the discovery of inter-dimensional travel, our universe needs protection. Unwelcome "guests" come to harvest carrots and golden eggs from chickens. They steal power from our main stars. They collect DNA from life-forms for their servant-clones. They use their newfound discovery for controlling black holes to suck matter from our universe.

One of the main tools the Chickens use are calculators. Inter-dimensional visitors despise numbers, especially complicated Calculus problems! The calculators send unsolved equations through electromagnetic waves and infrared beams toward the enemies, which instantly makes them retreat!

A chicken's weak point is it's carrots, but absolutely not it's head! When you cut off a chicken's head, it will be just normal, and it can grow back it's head! If you cut off or eat the chicken's carrots, the chicken instantly loses so much wisdom that it dies a horrible, brainless death. Plus, it can't ride a unicycle. And that's the chicken's fate. Otherwise it's immortal.

And there's your happy thought of the day!

Randum Fact: Breakfast syrup comes from blueberry vines and strawberry bushes. That's how we get flavored syrup! Then there's also the boring, but still good, Maple Syrup that grows in acorns from wheat fields.

Signs

Signs are everywhere, telling you what to do or not do! They could say "No crossing," or "Children Crossing!" They could tell you to stop, what the speed limit is, or just to keep driving as long as you're not drunk. They could tell you to "Eat Here NOW," or even "Come visit me, please?" Signs come in varieties and can get very... odd, to put it lightly.

When you drive past a school, there could be a sign telling you "School Zone, In case you didn't know." Sometimes there's a sign with people carrying briefcases, which is completely irrelevant since nobody carries those around anymore, especially school aged kids. On the other hand, sometimes the signs across the street from a schoolyard can be relevant! Sometimes they say "SLOW children at play!"

When you travel on the freeway, the billboards line the sides. They convince you to buy they're product, and just about everything else. Some tell you "Free massage, visit our building now!" By "details," they mean "It's free if you pay for it, or if you pay triple on this expensive taco."

While traveling long distances in your car, you may need to stop every once in a while in a deserted place. Desperate business owners in the middle of nowhere place signs along the road to notify you of their rest stop. These say "Only donut shop and bathroom within 150 miles," which would be lying because another person is trying the same thing a few miles away, and they are both sabotage each other's signs. That means that sign making is a good business since that's where the competition is!

Even when you go hiking there are signs along the trail. They tell you to look out for snakes, falling rocks, giant balls of snow rolling down the trail, somehow staying on it, with heads of all kinds of people and animals sticking out the sides. Most of the time, signs warn you of something, especially signs saying "yield," "speed limit," "dead end: turn back now," "STOP," "don't hit the pedestrians," "monster cave, do NOT enter," "uncontrollable trains crossing!" There are some signs that you must be extra careful to watch out for: "Sweaty Men at Work," "Share the road... with Casper," "Oncoming traffic: May be directed to drive in circles for hours until I say stop,""Sheep Patrol Roads Ahead," and "Caution: Papercuts!"

The most tragic signs can be found anywhere: on the road, at the playground, in the house, on the internet, on TV, and even your cousin's garden! They say things like "No football field for 300 miles," "No internet connectivity while near," "Television not accepted within these doors," or "No electric lights, only candles accepted!"

Most signs only cause problems and make you miserable. You should avoid signs at all costs, except for if it's not possible to not read a sign. If you do manage to stay away from them, you probably won't get in trouble with any government with your area! ...unless you do something bad, because most bad things aren't mentioned in signs. But on the other hand, some signs are good, and so are rules. So stay in school kids.

You know how a few million years ago, people used broomsticks to get around? It's not that way anymore. Year after year, transportation has changed. It came from broomsticks, to flying, to jumping, to walking, and more walking, then more walking, and bicycles, then trains, then cars, then buses, then even airplanes! After all this time, the human population has found better, permanent ways. We have evolved to the use of Rollerblades! They're fast, fun, and after a while, they won't hurt your ankles anymore!

Listen to the new Randum Radio on the right side of these Randum Jonny posts!

Porkunkillo

The magical island of Porkunkillo is where Skunks, Armadillos, and Porcupines originally came from. When some viking named Jeffrey sailed away from his clan one April evening at 10:26 PM, he found himself lost! Jeffrey wasn't a very intelligent viking, but he just kept sailing and sailing. He was on the water for many uncountable days and nights, but he was a viking, he liked it!

Then Jeffrey found land! It was a small island, but it was almost a vacation spot, you know, if somebody added a gift shop and free smoothies. Then he found the down side. Porkunkillo was infested with Armadillos, Porcupines, and Skunks.

When Jeffrey realized the creatures were there he raced to his ship, The Fairy Bubble, and fled the island. Unfortunately, the animals crept onto the ship as he docked the boat. They forever followed him around the world, visiting just about everywhere while searching for his clan again. Each time Jeffrey found a new continent, the monsters crawled off the boat and onto the new land. The animals grew their populations around the world, and now we have them everywhere.

While they were on the boat, Jeffrey attempted to exterminate them by not feeding them. Some died on board, but others survived by eating each other. They all had their ways of survival, but after months on the vessel, they learned when and where they were weak. In the process, their DNA mixed. This created the unwanted raccoon!

Jeffrey doesn't exist in this time, but we remember him for unfortunately bringing Porcupines, Skunks, Armadillos, and Raccoons all over the world.

Have you ever realized how much the word "walrus" sounds like it could be a type of nut? I'm pretty sure that walruses used to be nuts, but then they grew tusks. After that, they climate they lived in was so cold that they grew fat and hair. Then the nut was so big and had so many animal-like qualities that it grew other animal-like parts, and developed senses. By then it didn't grow in a shell anymore, and it was an animal of it's own. This took millions of years, but it happened!

Why?

Why? It's a good question. It can be asked in many ways. From "Why do I have to wear this," to "Why did you leave all this crap on my porch," "Why," is asked by everyone everywhere, all the time!

Why am I writing this post? I'm writing it because it's fun and I like it and I need to do it and I have nothing better to do and it's Randum!

"Why," can be asked in many questions. Why does a pelican have wings? Why does fire glow? Why can a pencil write? Why doesn't a pencil write on it's own? Why can't your teacher do you homework? All these could be answered with "It's fun!" If anyone asks you a "Why" question, answer with "It's fun," because sometimes it really is, and you'll need an answer sooner or later!

"Why" is the question you ask when you don't understand the reason for Canadian Currency, or a cop lurking around the corner eating M&M's and Skittles, deciding which is best. While you were young, it would bug the crap out of your parents, and they'd get so annoyed that they didn't know what to do with you.

The question can ask for almost every answer, and can be very useful! The problem is that if you use it too much it will be worthless. So when you wonder about something, ask the ruler of Japan. Why ask him? Because it's fun.

Randum Advice: If anyone ever tells you that Kool-Aid isn't healthy for you because it's just water, sugar, and artificial flavorings, make sure to point out that they said "water" because everyone and everything needs water to survive.

Why is the ruler of Japan below? Because it's fun.