Randum T-Shirts!

Do you ever wake up in the morning, and realize in panic that you have nothing to wear? Let's pretend you did one time. Then you remembered that you ordered a Randum T-Shirt! You ran to your front door, and right behind it was the shirt! You quickly remove the shirt from the packaging then you wear it. You are still outside because you were too excited to bring it all the way inside. But then you decided it would be awkward to change outside. So you came inside. Then you walked toward the bathroom. When you were too excited to walk all the way across the house, you dashed into the closest room, the garage.

When all your shirts have turned gray and boring within a day of yesterday, customize a Randum T-Shirt, and make it as colorful as a colorful dream! ...even if your dreams really are never colorful. But this will fix anything anyway!

Next thing anyone knows, you come out of the garage with a stylish t-shirt! You were really the only one who knew anything yet because, A, you had just came out of your garage so no one had seen you yet. And B, you kept the t-shirt a surprise because you wanted it to be new and exciting when you wore it around all day, and walked your super-cool heroic walk.

Just like you thought, everyone was jealous. You bought another super-cool t-shirt, and it was awesome. You're the new Jason Mraz. You're so cool that every second of the day you have someone willingly give you a massage. You rule the soda fountain. You own the soda fountain. You changed it to a big, as in very large, swimming pool. This shirt is the key to ruling the soda fountain.

These shirts aren't normal shirts. These shirts grab people's attention, especially if it says "This shirt grabbed your attention." They make you look bold, like an important person, because if your wearing a Randum shirt you are an important person. They make you feel like a polar bear eating corn because polar bears don't eat corn. They make you stand out and look unique. They say "DIAMOND," because "unique" sounds a little like "DIAMOND!"

You know when the world comes crashing down on you and nothing is going right, but then you eat some of your favorite ice cream and everything is better? Randum T-Shirts are like that! Except for the fact that you can't eat a t-shirt, but that isn't actually a fact even though I said it was since it depends on the person and the shirt.

If all your other shirts are gray and boring within twenty-four hours of yesterday, and you need something new and colorful, a Randum T-Shirt would make everything better! Luckily, Randum T-Shirts are on sale! And they start at just $8! Then you customize it and all that, and it's still cheap! You could even put your name on it! Visit The Randum T-Shirt Page for datails.

Order your shirt now!

Fruit

Fruit is the enemy of candy. Most people go for the candy, but good, healthy people eat fruit. You should eat fruit, but candy tastes so much better! ...Even when it could eventually make you sick (keyword: "eventually.")

If a fruit can convince a person to eat it, it will bring health and good luck to you! Although if there's a Jolley Rancher next to the fruit, most people will eat the Jolley Rancher because it lies and cheats on the person, but it's still so tasty!

You know when you climb a tree, and you get that feeling that you're climbing a tree? It's the same kind of feeling when you climb a fruit tree, as long as it's a good enough fruit tree that you can climb it. If it's a wimpy fruit tree, then when you climb it you probably get the sensation of falling, hitting the ground, and breaking your face.

Fruit grows on trees, bushes, vines, and other plants. A long, long time ago when people got hungry, fruit would just pop up on a tree like the Every-Fruit-Tree on Barney (who's extinct, and extinct for a reason: he smells outrageously gross.) A couple hundred years ago when people wanted fruit, they planted a seed and waited for a few years until they didn't want fruit anymore, and then the seed popped open as a tree formed out of the ground which produced fruit. It also produced branches and bark which people used for every-day crafts and projects until old scientists realized it killed the trees. Still, some merchants used the trees for bark and branches because it gave them a big trunk of wood they could use for baseball bats and the covers to hard-cover atlases and such.

Fruit can be smooshed into various colors of paint! By "paint," I mean "some kind of dye used to color lots of things such as egg shells and flip-flops." After the fruit grows, you smash it back into small pieces which you mix with out-of-the-ordinary liquids to create another liquid which can be used with sticks and animal hair to change hte color of virtually anything! But really, it's physically anything because you can't paint the virtual internet, but you can paint a physical water bottle (if it's not wet, which is why I said virtually anything.) If this paragraph didn't make sense, read it again! Or don't.

Is a tomato a fruit or a vegetable? Who cares? You do? Well let's say it's a fruit for now so I can talk about it in this Randum post. A tomato is red and has seeds! It even has geletin-like juices around the seeds! Sweet! ...And spicy if you do it right!

Fruits balance the sweet and the healthy! Unfortunately, the sweeter, candy, usually takes the attention. But everyone has their opinions of what they like best, so why don't you go swimming on the moon!

Randum Phone Call:

"I'm going to call Bobby J."

*I Dial (555)555-5555.*

*I realize that (555)555-5555 is not a phone number and never was.*

*I call Bobby J.'s real phone number.*

-"Yellow?"

"ORANGE!"

-"Jonny?"

"Yup!"

-"You don't get the joke."

"Neither do you. Haha."

-"Haha. Bye."

-*Bobby J. hangs up the brown, old-fashioned phone.*

"Yeah, see-ya later."

**The Phone makes a bleep-bleep-blip-blong-bleep kind of noise.**

-"Yellow?"

"TURQUOISE!"

-"Hey, Jonny! What's up?"

...

Elves

Elves are mysterious little creatures that are trained in both the arts of good and evil. If you use them early in their lives before they get "wise" and think for themselves, they could do whatever you needed them to!

Elves are used by almost every magical creature that does any kind of work. Santa uses elves in his workshop to make presents for all the little boys and girls for Christmas! First, Santa personally comes to thirty-trillion stores, restaurants, and parties. Then he asks every kid in the world what they would like for Christmas! This can be anything in the world, out of this world, or nonexistent because Santa's elves can do it all!

After Santa finishes visiting everyone, he uploads his over-sized brain to his old typewriter where he prints lists of things for his elves to make. His elves are loyal, they have been working for him since the beginning of time (so we know that elves are awesome and they've always existed.) As soon as the elves get the lists, they get right to work! Somehow, they can finish this process in less than a day, so that Santa can deliver them to every house in the world overnight. (Santa might be an elf too!)

Elves can work in evil villains' labs and lairs! If a bad person gets a hold of an elf, he can train it to work for evil, and only evil. The elves are clever, so unless you're bad, it's bad for a bad elf to be with bad people that do bad stuff that's not good.

Elves are mischievous whether they are trained to be or not. They inherit the desire to think for themselves, and get what they want. A lot of the time, they'll just make what they want, but sometimes, it's so unique and rare that they must steal it. This is one of their specialties.

Elves run around and jump for joy, all day long! Or sometimes they don't, but occasionally they do! They really like to press big, red buttons, and they love to turn screwdrivers and wrenches! In fact, when they haven't been hired by anybody to do anything, they find big red buttons and screwdrivers that they use for the most odd things. Sometimes, they even find or build screwdrivers with big, red buttons on them!

Elvis was named after an elf. When he was born, his parents were asked what they wanted to name him. Right then, an elf dashed across the room about to deliver a screwdriver. Elvis' parents were so shocked, that they said "Elves." Between them both, it sounded like they said "Elvis." That name went on in history from then on. It's funny what just the appearance of an elf can do to the world.

Elves are good. Elves are bad. Elves press buttons that they aren't supposed to. Elves name people without knowing it. This is why magical creatures are banned from the mortal world (except on Wednesdays between noon and 2:00 PM, the middle of the week, when most people are so unhappy that it's only the middle of the week that their senses don't work quite right.)

Even Jonny has an elf! His elf is named Drynhint. He helps with anything Jonny needs. He brings sodas to Jonny, and recycles the cans. He writes randum reminder notes when Jonny needs them. He finds a new pencil when Jonny loses his. He even does back-flips when Jonny wants some entertainment!

Randum Parody Lyrics: Somebody once told me they put Jelly in the Jell-o 'cause they accidentally read the wrong recipe.

Jonny's Butler

After Jonny started to write this blog, he became rich! He also became completely preoccupied with Randum Jonny. He didn't do anything else, even for himself! He remembered that he had money, and lots of it! He needed to do something with it, and he quickly found something: hire a butler.

With a butler, he wouldn't need to do anything but write, invent, and create! Now he lives the life, and shares with his fans! He can also go on a vacation every once and a while to the Lake of Mustard.

When Jonny's not on vacation, he comes up with ideas for Randum Jonny, then writes about it! While he does this, he eats lots and lots of delicious strawberries! In the strawberry world, he gets lots of ideas, while his butler stands back and watches, in wonder, what Jonny starts doing. He spins around and around and around, yelling random words while his butler writes them down. Later, Jonny writes about his experiences.

Strawberries aren't the only way Jonny gets his ideas. He gets them by doing lots of other random things, although only some make him go crazy with ideas. Ice cream is one of them, and so is the color blue!

This butler inspired Randum Jonny, and also made sure Jonny didn't starve of starvation while writing about starving while eating too much food, popcorn and soda (Jonny loves to go to the movies.)

Here is Jonny's butler (but he's getting old, so look quick before he disappears...)