Sometimes Things Get Hard...

Sometimes things get hard, and you don't know what to do to fix them.

Pretend you're watching TV. If you're already watching TV, ignore that, and imagine a new TV bended to my will! Now, you are watching TV, and you need the remote. You discover that you don't have the remote! You look around, and remember it's in the room next to you. You're too lazy to go get it, so you have no idea what you're going to do! You are so frustrated that you start to think to hard about how to get the remote, and you fall asleep. The story is now over.

Another Story:

You suddenly want bacon. Someone offers you a bacon-less salad. You get hungry, but don't want the salad. You want even fancier bacon. You get offered the salad again. You drive away to a bacon restaurant and end up paying $50 for a few pounds of extra-fancy bacon. Now everyone, including the salad, thinks you're an idiot for not eating the free food. What are ya gonna do? The things people do for bacon. The End.

Story #3:

You just rented a movie for tonight. You also bought snacks, and are ready to party tonight! Sadly, it's 3:00, and you're really depressed. You have no work you need to do until tomorrow, and you don't know what to do. You lay down, awaiting darkness to fall upon the earth. Until then, the sun shines in your face, and makes you really hot and sweaty! You have nothing to do, and you're very frustrated. Story #3: over!

Although, you can always hire a professional, and everything will be okay! Just make sure that professional has a key chain with a television remote, the world's longest strip of bacon, and extra hundred dollar bills!

Let's talk about food. Sadly, we've already talked about bacon. Let's talk about other food! Yesterday, I saw a tree. This wasn't any ordinary tree, it was a pepperoni tree! People keep telling me that it was a cherry tree, and that the pepperoni were really cherries, but that's not true. It's a pepperoni tree! They grow right there, on the tree! Say that you are making a pizza, but forgot to buy pepperoni! You say "Oh no, I forgot to buy the pepperoni! I think I'll go to the zoo, and maybe pet a monkey, and feed a hot dog to an ape! Or maybe I'll feed an ape-fruit to the ape!" You realize that I found a pepperoni tree! You come to my house to ask where the tree went. I say "It's not where it was anymore!" You say, "Oh, well. Can I borrow some pepperoni?" I say "There's pepperoni on the tree!" You say "But you said you don't know where it is!" I say "No, I only said that it's not where it was. I moved it!" You ask "So do you know where it is?" I answer "Yes." You demand "Show it to me!! I must have my pizza!" I reply "But it's a birthday gift!" You yell "Someone gave it to you for your birthday, but you won't give me any pepperoni?" I say "I didn't say that you aren't going to get any!" You say "GIVE ME SOME PEPPERONI!!!!" I say "The tree is in your backyard. It's your birthday!" You say "fine." I say "Here's your pepperoni," and I give you some pepperoni. You hate me now. You find a cherry tree in your backyard. THE END.

Key-chain, coincidentally made from the tree: