Randum Bacon

From the original Randum™ company comes Randum Toast™, with it’s delicious new breakfast cereal, Randum Bacon®! We specially slaughter our finest pigs to turn into delightful bacon bits! And for those vegetarians, this cereal is ‘made out of red lettuce!’

Do you ever hate dislike (hate is a strong word, you shan’t use it,) your parents for not allowing you to eat sugary cereals for breakfast? Studies show that 12.53% – 98.47% of all parents do not permit enjoyable breakfasts in their homes. This is the solution! We replace the sugar in your average cereals with grease, causing the meal to turn into bacon. This is no average bacon though. This is the only bacon that has the physical capability of getting crammed into the bowl of the spoon from the bowl of the soup bowl where your bacon originally laid. This bacon is also the only bacon which you can pour milk into, while all surrounding adults jealously stare!

“We guarantee your cereal to be delightful in that savory extraordinary kind of way, or we’ll give you your money back!” This is Guatamexican for “We guarantee your cereal to be delightful in that savory extraordinary kind of way, or we’ll keep your money and pretend that the money got lost on its way back in the unreliable mail system which we use!”

Randum Bacon enables the impossible! With one serving of this remarkable food, the fat lady could sing! The sidewalk grew a toenail! The child listened to classical music! The pig flew . . . as the butcher demonstrated his mid-air slicing skills, then packaged the meat and shipped it to the market. (That’s why “This little piggy went to market.”)

We strongly encourage you to try a bowl of this cereal to become strong instantly! You’ll likely want more, but don’t mathematically find the chances, they might not be great. “Eat awesomer, live awesomer.” And each box comes with its own rubber bacon toy, so why wouldn’t you purchase this cereal? Go ahead, try it. Now. Right now.

Sticky notes. They stick. They're on walls. They're on doors. They're on bulletin boards, speared with pins. They're on televisions. They appear on your desk. They find their way to your pillow. They're in your pillow. There's one on your face. Kinda above your nose, but not.