Evil

Lots of people will tell you to choose good over evil. You should choose good over evil. But let's pretend you are in a fairy tale. This shouldn't actually happen, because you're never going to become evil. (Now that I have told you not to do any of this stuff, the government won't get me involved if you get any ideas, hopefully.)

There are some perks of being evil. There are more perks when you're on the good movie character's team, but we're talking about being evil. I guess it's just me talking about being evil, but since I'm talking about talking about doing it, I'm going to start talking about being evil. Continue to the next paragraph or die trying...

When you're evil, you get to fight the good guys (and girls.) You get to rob the bank, and be sent to jail, or maybe even azkaban! That would be bad, a perfect way to compliment your evil eyes! You can also venture on an evil quest to acquire a magical item before a mortal sees it. You could accidentally save the world, then completely deny it! That would be really evil.

You could get radioactive liquid injected inside you when you're a baby, then after you become and adult you turn into a green giant! You would become an evil hero! You could become a green goblin who flies around trying to step on a creature that's half spider, half man.

When you're evil, it's hard to get enrolled in any school. Even if the school doesn't know you, you're eventually going to blow it and you'll never get a degree. That's why evil people aren't smart enough to realize that evil is bad.

Usually, if you're evil, you are some kind of ancient (yes, that means old,) mystical being who's turned against everyone else in the world. Which is stupid. No one wants to be stupid unless they are stupid. And in that case, stupid is good! Still wanna be stupid? Drat.

An evil dude, or dudette, is the evilest thing that could happen to be evil, even if it's not evil. Then they learn opposites and the dude is now a young girl carrying a lollipop and a balloon at the City Fair! The dudette learns opposites, but can't learn many opposites so she learned lots but maybe not. She becomes an old man playing video games on the latest iPhone in the country of Moldova. They both love to ride their tricycles on every other weekend of every other year when there's maybe snow but sometimes not in opposite form. (You have been confused by the power of evil...)

Being too evil means that you can't walk into a grocery store, buy some Jell-O, then peacefully drive home. It also means you probably don't have much that's legally yours. Most of the time, you'll steal stuff, the cops will chase you down, and you go to jail for another sixteen-bajillion years. You would get used to it, but would still hate it.

To decide whether or not you're evil, you have to know how technical you're speaking. If you're talking about evil like a Marvel super-hero's enemy villain, then you'd have to be pretty bad. If you're talking about being barely-even-selfish-but-not-really-selfish-at-all, you just have to find a quarter on the ground, then keep it instead of asking everyone in the world if they lost 25 cents. If you're slightly evil, you're normal, which I guess would make it not even slightly evil, so you wouldn't be slightly evil so you wouldn't be normal so really, you can't be normal or evil, just yourself.

If you think you're evil, you may want to check if you are officially evil. Check the back of your head for horns. Then, check for evil eyes, fangs, and a tail. You'll know if you're evil when you look at yourself, it's instinct, so don't worry. If you think you might be evil, but you aren't sure, you are not evil, and shouldn't even try to be evil. You'll always doubt your superior evilness.

This is Eugene, the evil Taenormak. He is the official evil villain of Randum Jonny. Are you wondering what a Taenormak is? I'll explain... in a later post.

The Movie Theater

Going to the movies is always a fun event! It brings together families, popcorn, shoes, and superheroes! If you're bored, it's an exciting thing to do, especially if you see a new movie with your friends.

When you leave to go to the movie theater, make sure you are hungry. This is an important part of seeing a movie because if you don't, you will not be hungry for snacks! You need to buy snacks, or else you'll hurt the theater-owner's feel-goods!

After you buy snacks, you'll need to choose a movie. Make sure you choose a good movie! It should be one that just barely came out, and everyone has been wanting to see, or one that is new to you that everybody has already seen. If you've seen all of those movies, see one that you've seen before but looks interesting, but make sure it's not something lame. Especially if it's totally lame.

You'll buy the ticket(s)(l)(y)(r) for the movie, then some guy will rip them. He'll tell you where to go, and you'll hope he's not pointing you in the direction of the secret dungeon. When you get to where the suspiciously-young-looking-teenager told you to go, you'll walk in and find a seat.

After you sit in one of the seats in the theater, you'll sit there for a minute wondering if it's going to trap you. When you realize it's not going to do anything but cushion your end-that-you-sit-on, you'll relax, watch some ads, and eat all of your snacks.

Just after you finish off all your popcorn, the movie will start. (The theater plays a horrible illusion that starts the movie after you finish your refreshments.) You'll watch half the movie, too captivated to get up and buy more snacks. Soon, you'll get hungry enough that you leave during a boring part of the movie to buy some more snacks.

You get to the snack bar and try to decide what you want. You got lots of stuff before the movie, but you didn't get everything, so you are left with lots of choices. You decide to buy a couple boxes of candy, a jumbo soda, and an extra-jumbo popcorn. When you turn around to take it back to the movie, you wonder how to carry it all.

You finally balance the food in your arms and on your head, and you run back to the movie. You spill a little popcorn on the way, but that's okay. You walk up and down the aisles desperately trying to remember where your seat was (you want to get back to the movie and eat your snacks at the same time.) You decide to sit in some other seat, and not care if someone else just left to get snacks for themselves (so if they come back, you are ready with an excuse.)

You watch the rest of the movie, and still have half your popcorn left at the end. You try to stay long enough to eat the rest of your popcorn. You dance the macarena to the music at the credits while eating your popcorn until someone turns off the movie, and someone else (or possibly the same person that got stuck with the job) sweeps up all the popcorn. Right before the first person starts another movie, another person (again, possible the same person) kicks you out of the theater.

You drive home with lots of extra popcorn and more knowledge than you had before.

Randum Advice: Sometimes you should try to chop cheese curds with a hedge trimmer! It's quite entertaining! But ask your parents permission first, even if you a parent yourself. This is for my amusement, so you are becoming enthusiastic about it! Yeah!

Vacation

Everyone loves a vacation. Especially a good vacation! Sometimes, it's just necessary to take a vacation. After working for a while, you just need to be able to break away for a little while. That is, unless you just love to work, and it's always worse to stop working than to keep working; but that's the rich type of person, and the type of person that could be rich if they're not!

Some people like to take their families to an amusement park for their vacations. Theme parks like Disney World! Disney World is fun. You can ride roller-coasters all day long if you want to! That's going to be much different than working every day.

Some people just like to travel around the world on their vacation. They like to see things from around the world, and experience lots of new things! There's people that just travel around the state, and some that travel around the country. Then there's the ones that travel all over the world! They see lot's of amazing buildings and landmarks! They see natural wonders and delightful restaurants!

Last, there are the people that go to the lake to swim, ride boats, water-ski, and even live on a houseboat (and when I say "the lake," I mean "a lake," or "the nearest lake," or "the favorite lake," or "the biggest, nearest, and awesome-est lake!")

The most common type of lake is a lake of mustard (and by "a lake of mustard," I mean "The Lake of Mustard.") The Lake of Mustard is a lake, but instead of water, it's filled with mustard. Yum.

People love to swim in The Lake of Mustard because it's thicker than water, so it gives more of a challenge, and also because it has more flavor than regular lake water. Before you swim in The Lake of Mustard, you must venture to the sands of Mustard Beach. There, you will meet many people who are digging in the sand and collecting dried mustard. After you get to the other side of the beach, you hit the water, er, mustard. You can do whatever you want! You can swim, dive, ride, hide, or even sell the mustard!

Selling the mustard is one of the most popular things to do at the lake! Lots of companies have set up huge underground straws that start at the lake, then end across the country in a huge corporate facility to be packaged into bottles (that say Lake Mustard) and shipped all over the world!

One of the most recent things that people like to do is scuba dive. When they get deep enough, they squirt a ton of fresh water so they can see what's under the mustard. Everything is still stained yellow, but at least they can see what is yellow.

While the divers are still down at the bottom, they usually have a little fun and let one rip. The bubble travels up, through the mustard, making it smell worse, then get released at the top. The lake already smells bad though, so it doesn't do any good yet. That's why they have someone at the top with a jar to capture the scent. Usually it's the men, or boys, that do this kind of diving.

Every once and a while, you'll hear a loud gurgle come from the lake. This is from one of the under-mustard fish. It could be a small trout having lunch, or the Ancient Mustard Shark snoring. (There is nothing to be afraid of, because the Ancient Mustard Shark is always asleep.) Sometimes the gurgle is some guy blowing his nose! You never know, but usually it's just various fish from the lake that just finished dinner and are burping.

I hope that now you know where you'll go on your next vacation! "Not The Lake of Mustard," you say; then we say "Fine! Go to a real lake, and see how much less exciting it is than The Lake of Mustard! But post the pictures on your blog, I want to see—I mean, to show everyone else how not fun it is!"

Have you ever been in a battle? A battle against an epic dragon? How about an evil neighbor? Have you ever slayed a monster? Chased a cricket? Swam with a shark? Swam with a mustard shark? Now you can! For just fifty-three payments of $19.99, we will send you an official-looking certificate to say you did these! You'll be a hero, almost officially!

What's your favorite color? Is it pink? Is it red? Is it orange? Is it green? Is it yellow? Is it purple? It better not be! It Better be Blue! Blue is Better!

Makeup

Makeup is every girl's necessity. Apparently, they can't live without it. Yup, it makes girls look pretty, and all that, but it can do more! It can make an actor look sad, happy, mad, bewildered, abnormal, scary, and stuff! Then it can make emo dudes look emo, Zeus look Zeus-y, toes look like a family of toes, a mistake on a piece of paper turned into nothing on a piece of paper so you can try it again, and a monster look like a monster!

Let's say you're being creative, and you want to know what to do with your toes. If you're tall, you're also probably wondering "Why do my feet look so small?" With the right kind of makeup, you can make your toes look bigger! You can also put faces, hair, zits, beards, teeth, a nose, and eyes on the toes!

Today, you're walking down the beach, and you see some guy that's asleep. You don't know who he is, but no one is around him. You quickly grab your makeup, give the dude a mustache, and voila! Then you realize that the man is the Governor of some state. He doesn't know who did it though, so you're off the hook. Now you have space to put a fish on the hook!

You go to the grocery store, to buy groceries! You are walking past the strawberries... and suddenly a box happens to be inside your cart. You buy them since the check-out lady has already scanned the bar-code before you realized they were there. You can't possibly eat all those strawberries (actually, you could, but you don't want to feel guilty. Although, you don't need to feel guilty, it's fruit! But nevertheless...) you eat most of the strawberries, then need to figure out what to do with the rest. Boom! An idea hits you, right on the head! You can blend the strawberries into makeup and paint, then decorate the strawberries, or make other things look like strawberries!

If you're too lazy to use your brain to find something creative to decorate, then listen to me carefully. Very carefully. Very, very carefully... Just go buy an old, cheap TV, and wait for a show you hate to come on. Then look for your least favorite character. Hook up the TV to your DVR or whatever, pause the show, and paint that "disposable" TV with your makeup! Easy as pie, but pie isn't very easy to make. Unless you buy one, then it's pretty easy. But that's probably why they say easy as pie. They don't necessarily say "easy as making pie," so it could mean "easy as buying a pie!" Even then, it's still hard, because you have to make the money, drive all the way to the store, find a pie, then actually buy it. The hardest part it letting the cashier check everything out for you! Then to top it off, you need to drive all the way back home! So pie is hard to eat. It's like, rare!

If you're a guy that doesn't have any makeup in your possession at all, don't worry! You can use Photoshop! You just take a picture, draw on it in the app, then whazam! You have used makeup! It doesn't even have to be a good job if you're drawing randum things on anyone or anything!

Jonny Richy

In celebration of the new URL: www.randumjonny.com...

One day, Jonny Richy was walking down the road, when a random though cross his mind. He was thinking, "a thought crossed my mind while I was crossing the road! What a coincidence!" That day, random thoughts kept coming to him. He thought, "I want a pear tomato," and "Search for dudes on Rollerblades!" He took a drive around the entire North American continent, and he was filled with ideas!

Jonny started a blog, just to jot down his random thoughts every once and a while. He called the blog Random Jonny! Since Random Jonny just wasn't very cool of a name, he decided to put his own twist to it and called it Randum Jonny.

Seventeen days later, he realized he wanted people to actually read his blog. "Yo, what's up. Read my blog." Ta-da! People started to read his blog. Jonny became rich and famous! After a few months, he finally got a face! And here it is!

Friday the 13th

Everyone knows that 7 and 13 are unlucky numbers. Friday, is also unlucky for some unnameable reason. When you get them together, it's really unlucky! That's why today is not a good day to go shopping. Or jogging. Or hiking. Or draw a picture. Really, you can't do much tomorrow, because then you'll have a big chance of getting bad luck, or little chance of having good luck.

If you do nothing tomorrow, especially go to work, then you are avoiding lots of the trouble, because you won't be with lots of other people with bad luck. You'll minimize your bad luck! Also, if you don't go to work tomorrow, you'll also probably get fired, but that's bad luck also. The only difference is that there's less bad luck, but it's worse luck. So if you'd rather have lots of semi-bad luck, you should go to work tomorrow. You also shouldn't read that sentence because then you won't get it. Do you understand the punch line? Me either.

You shouldn't even take a walk on Friday the 13th, especially if your wearing seven flip-flops at a time. They'll fall off and you'll be left with two. Those two flip-flops will start flip-flopping and then they'll fly across the road. You do NOT want to cross the road on Friday the 13th, especially with a superstitious black cat. You're just going to have to wait until tomorrow to get it. Although, you don't need another flip-flop anyway since you have seven along the sidewalk behind you. That's the only good part, but don't say it's a good part, or else you'll jinx it.

If you're building a three-story shed in your backyard, you're going to want to avoid ladders, and maybe all construction sites for that day. If you accidentally walk under a ladder, you're going to have bad luck. Really bad luck. Unimaginable bad luck. But that's the same with just about everything that brings bad luck, which is related to almost everything, including nothing. Kinda confusing, but it means that when Friday the 13th comes around, you're going to have bad luck whether you like it or not, but you can't like it, or else it wouldn't be bad luck! Unless it's someone else's bad luck and you laugh. But that would be mean. You don't wanna be mean.

If you shatter a mirror, you'll have really bad luck. Like, seven years I think. Seven years brings another unlucky number: seven. Then you get another few years of bad luck, but if you get more than seven years of bad luck, then you wouldn't have had the extra bad luck in the first place, which means that you'd get the bad luck, and all of an alien from the future take you to the future where you see stuff from the future and he says, "you've seen too much from the future, you must be destroyed!" That's even more bad luck. Since you're in a fight with time, you'll just be running from aliens forever and before they can find you, you transport again, but then you keep coming back to your regular life, but everyone from there hates you now since you keep ditching them. Now you have a new movie! But it's my idea, so I get some of the credit and fortune. I like money. But it's probably fake money if it's Friday the 13th.

Make sure you don't step on a crack on Friday the 13th, or any day for that matter! You could break your mother's back! That would not be good. If you're lucky, some even worse luck will happen to you, and not your mother. So remember, skip over the cracks in the sidewalk and the street if you have to walk somewhere today.

There are some ways to get good luck! ...but not on Friday the 13th. So those aren't applicable right now and I'm not going to waste precious time of your precious day to read ways to get good luck on an unlucky day that you can't get good luck on. If you don't understand, it's because of the bad luck, and you shouldn't worry. Well, actually you should worry because that means the bad luck it coming.

Guess what! There's a Friday the 13th the first month of 2012! More reason to be superstitious! Maybe the world will go down then, and the survivors in April, then the rest of 'em in July. That's probably bad. If you believe in that kind of stuff. I believe in bad stuff, but not bad stuff like that.

Here's an ancient saying about luck, er, unluck: "'Ain't' ain't a word and ya ain't supposed to say it 'cause it brings bad luck." So, yeah.

We never see superman flying in the sky because it hurts him to do it. Have you ever laid almost completely straight on carpeted stairs, then slide down them like a superhero? If you have, you know that it will give you a huge rash on your arms. That's why superman never flies unless he is paid a lot of money and gets to be the star of a movie. That's why superman never really flies unless he actually wants to, because ya know, if you have the power to fly, you just have to fly over Witwatersrand every once and a while.

Percy Jackson post #2 (The movie, my version)

Percy Jackson's new movie is so cool! ...if you haven't read the books. Otherwise, it's still so cool! But I hate it since it doesn't follow the book. I'd probably give the movie 4 1/2 stars. It's a cool movie, but it doesn't follow the book. It follows the book, but not well. You have to read the book then watch the movie to understand.

The movie is a total remix of the book, so I thought I would make my own version too! The movie is shorter than the book, and this post is shorter than the movie, but that's okay, because we can all watch our favorite Saturday morning cartoons when the time comes. The movie is based on bit totally different than the book, and this post is the same to the movie. Don't do you're book report on this post, even if "it's still reading, just not as much!"

Zeus' world revolves around a giant clock that's 400 floors above the top of the Empire State Building. That is, until the lightning bolt in the center of the clock that powers it is removed by puke, with a capital P: Puke. You know what this dude does, until you realize you don't. This dude like to poke people, lots!

So anyways, some kids were driving backwards across the country when they attack Medusa, invade a museum, and waste their time eating cookies in a casino they found in Nevada. Las Vegas, Navada. Which is weird since I think it should be in California along with everything else.

The kids are collecting magic marbles that will turn them to smoke and take them to Olympus after they die, but they don't actually die. Then at the casino, the kids get so lazy and tired that they stay there for the rest of their lives.

Meanwhile, the gods on Olympus are panicking since they don't know when to attack each other. They become so desperate that they call upon the humans' thinking noodles (located in their head) to tell them what time it is.

The gods finally decide to make a trip to earth to buy watches. They use them all the time, especially at night when they can't get to sleep. They realize that the can glow in the dark, and they can check the time wherever they are! They couldn't do that with the other clock.

The gods convert to a new High-Tech leadership system (conveniently located on the Internet) where they manage all their games and apps, check their Facebook, and thank Steve Jobs for the awesomeness! Of course, they don't ACTUALLY thank him.

Since Puke, the Lightning Thief just wanted new gods that wouldn't embarrass him all the time, he was happy with this whole new thing. Puke gave back the lightning bolt, but nobody needed it anymore, so it just sat there growing spider webs.

[Insert Second Book Here]

Randum Fact: Frosting Grows on trees. Fine. Don't believe me, but the A/C will punish you! (You're going to be superstitious once you get too cold or too hot!). Maybe chocolate does or does not grow on trees if it should feel like it sometimes! I like chocolate frosting though, especially the chocolate, and especially the frosting, but especially the chocolate. Chocolate grows on trees, but it should still be it's own element! It has the power to heal!

*based off of Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief: the Movie.