Weight Loss

Being in this time period, people get fat. This is because of fast-food restaurants (except for McDonald's, kind of,) people sitting on the couch watching TV all day, and everyone just plain being lazy. Three-thousand years ago, people used to be able to visit a Carl's Jr and get healthier, but ever since the world improved food, people have just been getting lazy. This laziness turns into a wave, just like sound, light, and melted peanut butter, and spreads throughout the world. It uses it's Superman power to buzz through walls and zap whoever it can get to first with it's unnoticeable buzz. Soon that person falls under the spell of laziness, takes a journey through the remarkable strawberry, and wakes up on the couch screaming. Actually, that's exaggerating a little bit. They really just wake up sipping nothing out of a soda can, realizing that they already drank the drink.

Once you're already lazy and maybe overweight, there's a few ways that people try to fix it. Some people like to drink weight-loss milkshakes, like the chocolate or strawberry kind. Others like to drink cough syrup. Some people just "weight" for it to go away. Get it? It was a pun! A very punny pun!

Those solutions don't actually work. They are just ways to fill up ad time on TV channels, make yourself think that you feel lighter (especially the cough syrup), and cheat people into wasting money for the genius that came up with the idea of cheating people into wasting their money.

The real way to lose weight is the "Randum Jonny Lose-Weight-Quick Theory"! It's really not a theory, but some scientists say it can only be a theory because it cannot be proven. Whatever, scientists.

Randum Jonny Lose-Weight-Quick Theory

All you gotta do is tell other people that they look skinny and amazing! Then karma will catch up to you, and you'll be skinny and healthy! It's "not proven" but it's been tested by Randum specialists! Try it, it works! Good luck!